Fantasies: From the time we are very young fantasy is a ver
y important part of everyone’s life. It is an opportunity to try things out in the privacy of our imagination, a form of rehearsal far away from prying ears and eyes. Nothing illustrates this better than sexual fantasy, which is considered to be a healthy, normal way of becoming sexually aroused and exploring our own sexuality. It is both fun and functional but for some very frightening. The stigma attached to what some feel are dirty thoughts, ideas and feelings that they should not have if they are ‘normal’, causes fear and anxiety. Many feel ashamed at these thoughts. The guilt that they generate can often cause problems in a relationship especially where the fantasy is seen as a betrayal of a lover or partner’s trust. Experts agree that this is not the way to handle our fantasies. We should enjoy them and explore with them and above all realise that the brain is the most important sexual organ in our body. It dictates the way we feel and is at the core of our emotions. It is actually the brain which turns us on or off and directs all our sexual urges. The truth about many sexual fantasies is that given the chance to act on them, most people would run a mile. Sexual fantasies can take many forms and gives us a free rein to ‘try out’ situations that we would never consider in real life. In fact, fantasy is a form of pleasurable day dreaming that we can control; it is completely safe; does not hurt anyone and fantasising about something does not mean that we will actually do it. It certainly should not cause us to feel guilty or perverted. We need to accept fantasy and enjoy it as a part of our sexual being. The sexual fantasies of men and women do differ, although both may use fantasy while masturbating or making love. Common sexual fantasies in men involve making love to a virgin, being part of a threesome, watching people have sex and being overpowered sexually by one or more women. Women often fantasise about making love to a complete stranger, taking part in-group sex, making love to another woman and being a sex slave to a celebrity. Of course, there are many more and where there is some kind of personality disorder or dysfunction in a man or a woman, fantasies may become violent and bizarre and be a symptom of other underlying problems. Fantasy is quite normal. It is your private domain. Enjoy your imagination and do not feel guilty.
y important part of everyone’s life. It is an opportunity to try things out in the privacy of our imagination, a form of rehearsal far away from prying ears and eyes. Nothing illustrates this better than sexual fantasy, which is considered to be a healthy, normal way of becoming sexually aroused and exploring our own sexuality. It is both fun and functional but for some very frightening. The stigma attached to what some feel are dirty thoughts, ideas and feelings that they should not have if they are ‘normal’, causes fear and anxiety. Many feel ashamed at these thoughts. The guilt that they generate can often cause problems in a relationship especially where the fantasy is seen as a betrayal of a lover or partner’s trust. Experts agree that this is not the way to handle our fantasies. We should enjoy them and explore with them and above all realise that the brain is the most important sexual organ in our body. It dictates the way we feel and is at the core of our emotions. It is actually the brain which turns us on or off and directs all our sexual urges. The truth about many sexual fantasies is that given the chance to act on them, most people would run a mile. Sexual fantasies can take many forms and gives us a free rein to ‘try out’ situations that we would never consider in real life. In fact, fantasy is a form of pleasurable day dreaming that we can control; it is completely safe; does not hurt anyone and fantasising about something does not mean that we will actually do it. It certainly should not cause us to feel guilty or perverted. We need to accept fantasy and enjoy it as a part of our sexual being. The sexual fantasies of men and women do differ, although both may use fantasy while masturbating or making love. Common sexual fantasies in men involve making love to a virgin, being part of a threesome, watching people have sex and being overpowered sexually by one or more women. Women often fantasise about making love to a complete stranger, taking part in-group sex, making love to another woman and being a sex slave to a celebrity. Of course, there are many more and where there is some kind of personality disorder or dysfunction in a man or a woman, fantasies may become violent and bizarre and be a symptom of other underlying problems. Fantasy is quite normal. It is your private domain. Enjoy your imagination and do not feel guilty.
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